Establishing Boundaries In Your Relationships

When trying to understand boundaries you first have to realize that no one can get anything that they want from you unless you choose to give it to them. You have the power. People want your time, your affection, for you to pick up the phone and respond. They want you to give them your effort and energy. They want you to give them yourself. But no one can have these things unless you first choose to give it to them. 

So, if someone wants your time, energy, and affection then they must treat you with a certain level of respect. There are certain ways in which they just cannot treat you, or they don’t get access to you. You must never change your boundaries for anyone. The only reason someone would want you to change your boundaries is because they are making it too difficult for them to get what they want from you. No one will ever violate your boundaries out of love, only out of selfishness. Because they care more about what they want than how you

feel. 

But here’s the key point. In order to truly have boundaries, you must first become comfortable with being alone. Because when you establish and reinforce your boundaries there’s a chance the other person will say “I don’t want that”, “what I want from you isn’t worth the effort” and they’ll leave. Now if in that moment when they might leave, the fear of being alone is too strong it might cause you to give in and your boundaries will be dictated by the other person. 

They will get to decide how things go because the second they’re not happy they will threaten to leave because they know that you will give in. It’s disgusting that there are people whose minds work that way. People who are fine treating people that way. But unfortunately they are out there. Your boundaries, your self respect, and your self esteem will keep them away. 

If the thought of having to treat you like a human being is too much for them. If having to treat you in such a way that actually builds you up and makes you happy is too much work, then let them go. Let them go live in their own hell. That’s what their minds are. The amount of damage these people do, the amount of pain and years lost that they cause with no guilt. The wreckage left in their path just so they can fulfill some self centered desires is absolutely awful. It is always better to be single or alone than to be treated like that. You deserve better. You are a human being with inherent dignity and value, never forget. 

It’s important to always remember that the other person has boundaries of their own which also must be respected. If you are dating someone and they are having a hard time establishing boundaries of their own it’s good to help and encourage them. Boundaries, like all things in a relationship, shouldn't be one sided. One of the most important aspects in a relationship is equality and fairness and boundaries are essential to establishing that equality and fairness.